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November 07, 2003

Cold Pizza: Spring For Donuts, Instead

While I was getting dressed this morning, I decided to invest a few minutes in checking out Cold Pizza, the new early-morning news/sports/variety show on ESPN2. Or perhaps I should say, "invest a few more minutes," since I feel as though I've watched at least an hour and a half worth of promos for this show since the start of the NFL season. It took only a few minutes to be overcome by the trademark "Three C's" of bad news/sports/variety programming:

  • Campy Bad puns and 1980's style, "and now, over to Leslie for the latest headlines," transitions are rampant. The worst moment was when the token African American kicked it over to the "unpredictable one," who takes the hand-off with a painfully white, "Thanks, baby girl!" The show's hosts perpetrate a chummy familiarity with the audience and with each other. In the immortal words of Bushwick Bill, "don't snatch my hat off my head like we homies and greet me with a bump 'cause you don't know me!"

  • Cliche The clothes, the hip-hop slang that's about 18 months past its Sell By date, and the celebrity guest weather person are only the tip of the iceberg. Did I mention the 1980's style transitions from one piece to the next? Their set looks like they stole it from the Home Shopping Network.

  • Contrived It physically hurt to watch the token African American woman chuckle after the "baby girl" crack. After every stupid pun, the camera immediately switches to another cast member who's grinning like they just farted. Everyone on this show looks like they're on Valium. The most spontaneous thing about this show was when I spontaneously changed the channel.

    Posted by Dan at November 7, 2003 02:02 PM

    Comments

    You know its gotta be good when they recruit an anchor whose resume includes MTV's Road Rules and FOX News.

    Posted by: h-ed at November 8, 2003 07:40 AM

    Don't forget the impending fourth C: cancelled.

    It'll come soon enough. Hell, that's a free hour spot for another airing of Playmakers!

    Posted by: jug at November 11, 2003 12:38 PM

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