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June 04, 2004

Consumer Reports Rates It "Must See TV"

Ralph Nader's smiling visage adorns this ugly-ass green pickup truck
OK, I'll be the first one to throw it out there: Wouldn't it be great to have a reality show where Ralph Nader is made to believe that he won the election? Can you imagine anything funnier than watching one of the world's hall of fame whiny, self-important, left-wing bed-wetters strut about, convinced that he had just been elected leader of the free world? Then you throw him into a series of progressively more ridiculous situations. I see a few possible story arcs:

  1. Bush contests the election and demands a recount. Of course, the recount is not completely conclusive, so everything winds up in court. The Supremes get involved. Just when it appears that the conservative majority is about to hand a second straight term in office to George W. Bush, Justice Clarence Thomas suddenly defects to the other side in a press conference where he also declares himself "Soul Brother Number One."

  2. Nader tries to move his legislative agenda forward. As he's trying to attract swing votes for a bill that would raise the minimum wage by $14 per hour and the marginal income tax rate to 65%, he is invited to a private meeting with key Republican Senators. After hours of difficult negotiating, the Senators decide to go out for Chinese food and they drag Nader along. Once at the restaurant, they start ordering scorpion bowls. Next, they move on to a karaoke bar. Some time after midnight, Orrin Hatch makes a pass at Nader.

    "Yeah, man, power to the people! Now all aboard the magic green pickup truck!"
  3. In the classic reality TV tradition of bringing back departed participants for an encore appearance, Winona LaDuke returns and demands to be named vice president. When Nader tries to explain that the Constitution bars him from unilaterally naming a new vice president while the sitting veep is still fit to serve, LaDuke repeatedly offers to accept less influential positions. Eventually, she's dragged out of the Oval Office shouting, "Secretary of the Interior, Secretary of Commerce, Ralph, I'll take anything!"

This could be bigger than Survivor!

Posted by Dan at June 4, 2004 11:04 PM

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