Dan's View On The World

the obligatory picture of enron's "crooked e" that accompanies all articles on the california energy crisis

"It is a matter of record that high temperatures drove the demand for electric power that allowed companies like Enron to steal billions of dollars from California consumers," stated Lockyear in a press release. "These high temperatures were a direct result of electromagnetic waves directed at the State of California by the sun. These excessive and potentially dangerous levels of solar radiation enabled and compounded the effects of the wash trades and transmission congestion employed by unscrupulous energy traders to defraud the citizens of California."

Thursday's suit was the latest in a string of lawsuits filed in response to the energy crisis by various state and municipal agencies. California has thus far had limited success in pursuing the energy companies it blames for creating the crisis that drove wholesale power prices to unprecedented levels and bankrupted the state's electric utilities. Critics blame the crisis largely on the state's tragically flawed deregulation law. Under the California deregulation model, wholesale power prices were allowed to fluctuate in response to market demand while prices paid by consumers were frozen at a discount to historical rates. Some critics liken the California crisis to freezing hotel rates in the Magic Kingdom at mid-August levels and then filing suit when people show up on Christmas Eve to find the hotel booked solid and bankrupt.

Lockyear remains unmoved. He was also not persuaded by the arguments of astrophysicists, who point out that the sun is a non-sentient ball of ionized gases that creates energy by way of thermal fusion deep within its fiery core. "I have observed that, on certain days of the year, the sun shines for as little as nine and a half hours. The fact that the sun was shining for as much as fourteen and a half hours per day during the energy crisis is clear evidence of the collusion that resulted in California consumers bearing billions of dollars in excessive, unjust energy costs."

As of press time, the sun was unavailable for comment.