August 08, 2004
If We Can Only Get Gary Bauer To Run, Too
Just when the 2004 campaign season appeared poised to become the most bland on record, former Republican presidential hopeful Alan Keyes has agreed to move to Illinois and challenge Democrat Barack Obama for the Senate seat vacated by retiring one-term Republican Peter Fitzgerald. Obama, who delivered a stirring speech at last month's Democratic National Convention, is considered a prohibitive favorite. The GOP has been desperately seeking a candidate for the seat to replace Jack Ryan. Ryan dropped out of the race after it became known that he somehow managed to screw up his marriage to former Star Trek beauty Jeri Ryan, alienating the vital "Comic Book Guy" demographic.
The Illinois Republican Party settled on Keyes after exploring numerous other possibilities, including former Bears head coach Mike Ditka. Ditka turned down the chance to run after realizing that he could actually make money suffering through mockery and crushing defeats by simply accepting another NFL head coaching position. Having no such alternative to expose himself to high levels of public ridicule, Keyes happily accepted the nomination.
I, for one, welcome Alan Keyes back into the public spotlight. As many of you no doubt remember from the 2000 Republican primaries, Alan Keyes is totally nuts. I predict that he will provide hours of entertainment en route to that fateful day in November when Obama takes him out behind the electoral woodshed.
Posted by Dan at August 8, 2004 08:38 PM
Not only is Alan Keyes nuts, so are all 3 of his supporters:
Excuse me while I vomit.
Posted by: h-ed at August 9, 2004 03:36 AM
I particularly like the way that this was set up as a 10 day auction. As though there's no way that 7 or 5 days can hold this action. Why, oh why isn't there a "comments" section on every eBay auction?
Posted by: Dan at August 9, 2004 07:43 AM
I just read your mac rant, or one of your mac rants. I must say the level of pessimism in your writing is exquisite. I hope you live your life in the same way, I your mind you're already dead..
Posted by: Andy at August 16, 2004 02:05 PM
Thanks for that.
Whatever that was.
Posted by: Dan at August 16, 2004 02:14 PM
You're a riot dude! I was reading one of your mac rants and decided to see what else was available. The Keyes piece is so funny! Thanks much for the joy
Posted by: Mac at September 1, 2004 09:39 PM
Post a comment
Thanks for signing in, . Now you can comment. (sign out)(If you haven't left a comment here before, you may need to be approved by the site owner before your comment will appear. Until then, it won't appear on the entry. Thanks for waiting.)