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October 22, 2004
In Related News, Liquor Sales Skyrocket Prior to World Series Games
In response to the death of a college-age Red Sox fan during the celebration following Boston's improbable comeback against the Yankees, prominent area numb-skull and Boston Mayor Tom "Mumbles" Menino is considering invoking a little-known codicil in the Faber College constitution to ban liquor sales during World Series games.
The WCVB article features hilarious quotes that starkly illustrate how little two of Boston's newsmakers understand about how things really work in Beantown:
"A lot of those establishments were overcrowded during the first series. I will not tolerate that. Live (TV) cameras inside incites the young people," Menino said.
Has Mumbles ever been to a bar in Boston? Every bar in Boston is overcrowded every Friday and Saturday night, as well as during all major sports events involving Boston-area teams. It would make just as much sense for the Mayor to say that he's not going to tolerate water in Boston Harbor. And it would be about as effective.
"True Red Sox fans need to make sure we all grow up in the next several days," [Red Sox pitcher Curt Schilling] said.
Uh huh. Hasn't happened any time in the past 86 years, but sure thing. Whatever you say, Curt. I'm sure that the city that gobbles up t-shirts adorned with such great literary accomplishments as "Gay-Rod" and "Jeter Swallows!" is going to do a lot of soul-searching between now and Saturday evening.
I only see one one good thing that can come from a Boston World Series victory: The media would finally have to stop sweeping the crude, idiotic, classless behavior of Red Sox fans underneath the threadbare rug from 1918. Because aside from this one benefit, the next best thing is going to be the pleasant glow in the northern night sky that Providence residents will notice as the city of Boston burns to the ground.
Posted by Dan at October 22, 2004 03:10 PM
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