Dan's View On The World

Parallel Arguments

Party A: Why do you support President Bush?	Party A: Hey, Bob, what happened to your face?
Party B: Because we're at war so we need strong leadership	Party B: Oh, this? Jim and I went out last night and we got into a bar fight
Party A: Yeah, but Bush got us into this war in the first place.	Party A: Jim starts a fight every time he goes out. Why do you keep hanging out with him?
Party B: The middle of a war is not the time to change course...	Party B: Well, Jim is really big, so he's good to have around during a bar fight...

When Words Are Not Enough

Somebody needs to write a country music song about this picture, which appears here with the original caption from the CNN.com story:

Jack McAllister sits in what was his mobile home bathroom Tuesday in Punta Gorda, Florida.

What Do Julia Child And The Duke Have In Common

The headline for today's Reuters story about the passing of famous cooking show host Julia Child:

Late Cooking Diva Julia Child Loved Red Meat, Gin

Comedian Denis Leary is said to be rethinking his life.

Alright, Alright Already...

So I fixed the expect/except typo in the second-to-last paragraph of the Apple Product Cycle piece. You people need to chill out and have a YooHoo or something.

If We Can Only Get Gary Bauer To Run, Too

Praise be!

Just when the 2004 campaign season appeared poised to become the most bland on record, former Republican presidential hopeful Alan Keyes has agreed to move to Illinois and challenge Democrat Barack Obama for the Senate seat vacated by retiring one-term Republican Peter Fitzgerald. Obama, who delivered a stirring speech at last month's Democratic National Convention, is considered a prohibitive favorite. The GOP has been desperately seeking a candidate for the seat to replace Jack Ryan. Ryan dropped out of the race after it became known that he somehow managed to screw up his marriage to former Star Trek beauty Jeri Ryan, alienating the vital "Comic Book Guy" demographic.

The Illinois Republican Party settled on Keyes after exploring numerous other possibilities, including former Bears head coach Mike Ditka. Ditka turned down the chance to run after realizing that he could actually make money suffering through mockery and crushing defeats by simply accepting another NFL head coaching position. Having no such alternative to expose himself to high levels of public ridicule, Keyes happily accepted the nomination.

I, for one, welcome Alan Keyes back into the public spotlight. As many of you no doubt remember from the 2000 Republican primaries, Alan Keyes is totally nuts. I predict that he will provide hours of entertainment en route to that fateful day in November when Obama takes him out behind the electoral woodshed.

Cigar Review: Romeo Y Julieta Maduro Reserve

I enjoyed this little delicacy on my porch last night with a small glass of Oban single malt scotch. I chose the No. 4, a 5 inch by 44 ring gauge variety which provides a good smoke without taking up half of your evening. It's a bold, flavorful cigar, but not overwhelming. The draw was somewhat tight. For about $8 retail, this is a very good cigar.

Now Available In The New Jersey Hair Care Section

it's wicked big

I discovered this while shopping at my local CVS after dinner this evening. I apologize for the low-quality cell phone picture but retail employees have a way of thinking that you're casing the place for a robbery if you move merchandise into a spot with better lighting. If you can't read the side of the can, you're looking at bigsexyhair in the "limited edition" 16 oz can. My hat is off to the marketing genius who came up with this. I stand in awe of the efficiency of mocking big-haired mall chicks before they even buy the product.